| In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. |
81 |
7.90 |
| Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. |
89 |
7.85 |
| Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. |
98 |
7.85 |
| Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. |
92 |
7.74 |
| Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. |
87 |
7.63 |
| There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. |
81 |
7.60 |
| The spider that bit Peter Parker was originally bitten by Chuck Norris. |
64 |
7.59 |
| Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. |
85 |
7.58 |
| Chuck Norris once misspelled a word. Rather than correct him, Webster changed the dictionary. |
64 |
7.53 |
| When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. |
87 |
7.53 |
| Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. |
88 |
7.52 |
| When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. |
72 |
7.49 |
| When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. |
83 |
7.46 |
| Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. |
95 |
7.40 |
| Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. |
79 |
7.39 |
| Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris |
83 |
7.39 |
| A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. |
76 |
7.38 |
| Chuck Norris can divide by zero. |
84 |
7.38 |
| A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. |
77 |
7.38 |
| Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. |
99 |
7.37 |
| Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. |
74 |
7.36 |
| Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real. |
81 |
7.36 |
| The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. |
84 |
7.36 |
| As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. |
85 |
7.35 |
| The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. |
88 |
7.35 |
| A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. |
88 |
7.34 |
| Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. |
73 |
7.32 |
| Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. |
97 |
7.31 |
| Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. |
72 |
7.31 |
| Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. |
71 |
7.30 |